If You Learn Do You Truly Fail

Aug 17 / Stephen Stott
Do you have or have you had thoughts of suicide or just not wanting to be here anymore?

Have you struggled with asking someone if they are thinking about suicide or maybe you just had that gut feeling that something was not sitting well?

I know I have.

As a social worker, there is a societal expectation that people in the mental health field are trained to support people when they have thoughts of suicide. And, yes, I did take a 2-hour online course in graduate school; however, it was ONLY a 2-hour course.

I had two internships and I never once had to ask a person I was working with if they were thinking about killing themselves, nor was I trained to assess and ask anyway. Thinking about it now, I do not think I would have felt trained enough to do so; especially if I had to ask the students I worked with at a charter school in the Bronx. Two hours of training is a great start; however, like everything else there is to learn, it is all about practice.

If you want to learn a new language, you need to practice. If you want to play an instrument, you need to practice. If you want cook, you need to practice. If you want to learn how to walk, you need to learn how to crawl and before you crawl you need to build muscle to hold yourself on your hands and knees. The more you practice and use something, the more prepared you will be. Practice does not make you perfect. Practice makes you better. People do not need you to be perfect, they need to know you are willing to be there even if you say "I don't know what to say or do but I want you to know that I am here for you even if it means us hanging out so you don't have to be alone."

Crisis and suicide intervention is a niche of its own and unless you are working in this field, there is a good chance that you were not as well trained as you are expected to be. Again, even as a social worker, I have had that gut feeling that someone I was talking with had suicide on their mind and I was scared shitless to ask and so I did not ask. I had 2 hours of training and 3 years later was the first time I had the gut feeling that the person I was talking to was hinting toward suicide without directly saying it. Our body is very attuned to others and if we listen to it, it will tell us a lot. Some call this intuition. Some say "trust your gut." Sometimes people will say one thing and yet their body will say another. The more time we take to learn and practice, the better able we will be at recognizing when something doesn't feel right.

This actually makes me think back to high school when I was learning Spanish. It was relatively easy for me to learn. I found it easy to read, I could understand when my teachers spoke in Spanish, and I did well in my classes. Yet, I never learned to speak Spanish. Why? You might ask. I did not practice. When my teachers spoke Spanish to me, I spoke English to them. I had ZERO practice using the skills. When it came to talking about suicide, I never had that conversation with someone and I did not feel confident on what I needed to do.

Talking with someone about suicide is scary for both the person with the thoughts as well as the person asking. I now work in crisis and suicide intervention and I can tell you that the first few times you ask someone if they are thinking about suicide will make you feel uncomfortable; however, I have had a lot more training, I know what questions to ask and how to be supportive to someone who is having thoughts of suicide, and I have had multiple conversations and feel better prepared to have this conversation.

I am currently working on an online module so that others can be better prepared in their lives to support the people in and around their communities because whether you like it or not, someone you know will most likely be open to telling you about not wanting to be here anymore before they seek any professional help.

What would it look like if you had some tools on how to navigate this conversation? 

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